Today dear readers, is Valentines Day. As you are all aware that this holiday has dual meanings. If your are lucky enough to be dating someone, this usually means a romantic date, a passionate night, and giving gifts like chocolates, teddy bears and bouquets of dying plants. If you are single, celebrating this holiday usually involves either drowning away your loneliness with a drink at the local bar or sharing your evening with another lonely soul. Either way, it is a day most people use to reflect upon romantic relationships, or lack thereof.
With that in mind, I decided to write about relationships today, specifically my opinion on a few reoccurring questions always popping up about relationships or the opposite sex. I consider myself a man of the world, my answers to these questions are a nice blend of science, opinion and personal experience, as well as the usual wit which I am sure all of you have come to enjoy my work for.
So my dear readers, change into something comfy, put on some Barry White, get nice and cozy and turn down the lights, because your resident casanova Korsgaard is going to answer all the questions on your mind about the feelings in your heart.
Why do men care so much about physical appearances?
I’m sure every women reading this has had this happen to her, or at least seen it on television. Boyfriend and girlfriend are out together, having a conversation over a cup of coffee, when the male pauses to admire a passing female wearing what may be the world’s shortest miniskirt, completely deaf to the horrified complaints of his girlfriend. Odds are good that a few of the men reading this started making catcalls when I described said miniskirt. Yes, there is no denying men have an eye for physical beauty, much to the disdain of our feminine colleagues.
Believe it or not, there is a rather noble reason for this, based on both a biological programming and generational history. Much like animals in the wild, men are biologically driven to find a mate providing the best chance for healthy and productive offspring. So over many generations, men have been programed that their children will have better genes if their mothers look like Jessica Alba, instead of say, an inbred hunchback with an extra limb. For that same reason, when women are trying to attract men, they gussy themselves up or wear little black dresses and miniskirts, in an attempt to put that same male biological urge into overdrive.
At the same time, looks are not the only thing men take into account, stereotypes aside. As any man who has dated a pretty, yet vapid women can attest, good looks can only go so far before you begin to realize you would rather have a girl who you can carry a conversation with. Which is where men begin to take personality, as well as looks, into effect when determining who they would like to date/mate.
Even then, as anyone who has ever overheard two guys arguing over whether they would rather have sex with Shakira or Beyonce knows, there is no set standards of what kind of woman they find attractive. Some men like blondes, others like redheads or brunettes. Some men like tall and busty women, while others like short and petite girls. Asian women, Black women, Latino women, Russian women all have men of an equally diverse variety who have a weakness for their specific ethnicity. There are even certain guys who are attracted to obese women. The truth is, no two men are attracted to the exact same kind of women.
So ladies, next time you start getting catcalls, you should be far more worried if you weren’t triggering that kind of response from men. As for you ladies that happen to witness your men gazing at eye candy a tad too long, take pride in the fact that you have already passed that same test, and that more then likely he is making serious attempts to know more about you then the fact you look stunning in a low cut blouse.
I do feel it important to mention that, as anybody who has seen an issue of Cosmopolitan knows, women can be, and often are, every bit as shallow as men. Or will you ladies try to tell me Taylor Lautner has a career because of his ‘acting abilities’?
Why do many women like jerks?
I’m sure everyone reading this has seen this at least a few times. There is this nice, kindhearted girl that looks to be going good places with her life. Meanwhile her boyfriend is either a mindless musclebound meathead or an underachieving loser reeking of pot. In either case, almost everyone knows the relationship will end badly except for her.
While often times these male losers tend to attract similar female losers, on occasion they get lucky and land themselves a halfway decent girl. While this pays off in dividends for the man, it can be heart wrenching to watch what happens to the well-intentioned woman, as it isn’t uncommon for these relationships to be abusive or self-destructive. At the very least, she’s sacrificing herself and her future to help her man pay for his bail bonds or support his attempts to become the next Kurt Cobain.
Thankfully, most self-respecting women don’t even bother considering not dating a self-respecting man. But what is the reasoning behind the girls that do, in defiance of all common sense and logic?
There are a number of reasons, first and foremost being that the girl might have self-esteem issues. Despite what everyone else around her telling her otherwise, she believes herself to be as worthless as her boyfriend, and that she cannot do any better. Another thing that certainly feeds into it is the whole high school social situation where the jocks and bad boys form the pinnacle of the pick of eligible bachelors. What people often fail to consider, is that except for a lucky few, high school will be the highpoint of their lives. Most of the jocks won’t end up playing sports after high school, and will end up working menial jobs for the next couple decades having put little to no effort into an education. Most of those bad boys have better odds of living on the streets then landing record deals. While most people realize this, a few don’t in time, and they get dragged down with the sinking ship.
The main reason behind this though, is simple human psychology. A good portion women are attracted to openly confident men. While there is nothing wrong with that, often times cockiness can be mistaken for confidence, which is where the line in the sand is often drawn. While the majority of men who are confidant over things they have in their lives, such as a good job or satisfying life, the men who are cocky are often overcompensating for something they lack, normally a grade school diploma or that they are still working in fast food in their mid-thirties. And in many cases, it can be hard to tell the difference before its too late.
So remember folks, this issue arises not from the old ‘nice guys finish last’ adage, but from the occasional girl mistaking cockiness for confidence, or from a lack of confidence on her part. In most cases, they will need to learn that that is a mistake on their own, and her friends and family need to be there when she does.
Why are men so obsessed with sex?
The simple answer is because we’re men.
But no doubt the ladies reading this will want a more honest answer then the cop-out answer above, I shall try to give a more honest answer.
From the time a male turn thirteen to the day goes limp for good or he dies, there will be that ever present sexual urge that will never leave him fully. Regardless of job, personality, and any other number of factors, that drive is present in all men from all walks of life. Entire industries are based around taking advantage of that male sex drive. Erectile Dysfunction medications like Viagra are a pharmaceutical gold mine, as the are millions of men who will happily pay for a pill that will allow them to take advantage of their equipment even longer than biology normally allows. Porn is a one-hundred billion dollar a year industry, which if you didn’t know, is more than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple, Netflix and Earthlink make in a year combined. It’s also the reason why Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, Brett Favre and dozens before them all made news headlines.
So yes ladies, the bad news is men are a bunch of horny bastards who are never more then five seconds from a dirty thought or innuendo should the opportunity present itself. The good news? Most men are very good at keeping that urge under control, and it’s fairly easy to see which ones don’t. The key difference is that while most men think about sex almost every spare moment we are allowed, very few of us outside of our teens and early twenties fail to keep a leash on their inner beast, and even then the beast starts going tame by the time a man enters his late twenties.
How do I ask out that special someone?
I have little doubt that this is one of the biggest questions most people have about relationships, if not the single most common one. Which is rather ironic considering it has the simplest answer: Just ask them out already!
The mistake most people make when it comes is not making a gaffe while asking them out, but in not asking at all, giving in to fear or angst instead of seizing the moment. If you don’t know them, go up and talk to them and get acquainted, the worst that could happen is they say no. If you do know them already, the worst that could happen is they tell you they would rather just be friends, and considering some of my closest female friends came from such arrangements, and things worked pretty well all things considered. And if they say yes in either case, congrats!
Too many times people let their fear of rejection cloud their judgements and actions, and as a result have missed out on many opportunities for relationships. Far better to face temporary rejection then look back reminiscing about could haves, should haves, and what ifs.
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Well dear readers, this draws my crack at some common relationship questions to a close. For those of you lucky enough to share this day with someone special, I hope it’s a day you both will remember. If you are spending it single, here’s hoping you have a good day too. In either case I hope I provided you with some answers, or maybe even some useful advice or knowledge.
To all of you, Happy Valentines day!